Lessons in Resilience from a Half-Dead Garden Plant

I’m honestly not sure when this plant burst into bloom. This will be my second spring season in this home, the first place I’ve lived with a yard of my own, and I have treasured getting to have steady and personal relationships with the plant life that grows on the little plot of land that I’m honored to tend. This plant, in particular, has been challenging though. It gives very mixed signals and often looks like it is all but dead only to begin blossoming just a matter of weeks later. Large sections of the plant have had to be cut back. Not normal pruning, but extensive removals in order to salvage the living parts from being taken down with the sections that seem to be dying. And yet, here it is, offering up sorbet-colored flowers, seemingly out of nowhere, and I am beginning to feel like this plant is here to teach me something about resilience.

I too have had to undergo deep losses in order to preserve my overall wellbeing. An emergency removal of my appendix. Sections of my cervix cut away. Skin cancers removed from my leg and arms and face. I’ve had more biopsies than I can even keep track of at this point.

I told a friend of mine recently, half joking and half serious, that I feel like a science experiment sometimes.

I grew up with an ex-green beret father and, as a result, one of the worst feelings to me is the sense that I am fragile or needy.

I spent much of my childhood trying to prove to my dad how very tough I was. How much I could take without flinching or giving way.

Even years after his death, I would often cast myself into circumstances that tested my limits, both physically and emotionally, and overrode signals from my mind and my body that indicated that I was, in fact, human and subject to both needs and limitations.

It’s strange how, more than fear for my own well-being, my response to most of my health challenges has been shame. As if I am somehow less worthy or valuable because my body has weaknesses, and is, in some ways, more sensitive than others. 

There have been points where I have wanted to withdraw completely. I’ve fantasized about moving out into the middle of the desert, alone, and forsaking community life and connection just to avoid being confronted with the ways I feel different from other people. I would live in my little adobe home and it wouldn’t matter how many scars I accumulated or if I was too damaged to be loveable because it would just be me and the sand and rocks and wind. Maybe the people in the nearest town would tell stories about me, say that I’m a witch, or weave myths about why I was out in the middle of nowhere, all alone. 

Of course, I’m probably far too social of a creature to ever actually become the feral desert recluse in my fantasy, but sometimes it makes me feel better to imagine it. To make myself and all of my struggles into some larger-than-life character from a storybook, if only as a game that I play in my mind in order to feel powerful within circumstances that so often leave me feeling helpless. 

If I exile myself then no one else can reject me. I won’t have to see the look of discomfort or pity when someone notices my scars. Or feel someone pull away when they find that they can’t be in the presence of reminders of their own human fragility or mortality. I would never have to feel like my existence or honesty about my experience is burdensome.

But then I look at this plant in my yard. This scraggly little plant that is half-dead and half bursting with life, that keeps doing its best, trying to hang in there season after season. It doesn’t shrink with shame over the parts of it that are damaged or atrophied. It goes dormant when it must in order to conserve its energy, and then blooms in the places that it can, whenever it can. 

I think it knows something. That even when we’re struggling just to survive, life is still a gift. That even when we’re broken and have suffered great loss, we can still blossom, offer nectar and nourishment to the beings that are able to receive it, and unapologetically share our unique beauty, however unconventional it may be. 

I don’t know if this plant will eventually stabilize, if it will continue to struggle on in this way for years, or if it will some time soon give way to death. It’s a mystery that lives within the core of each of us, but is too uncomfortable to face for most. None of us know how long we have here or what will bring us to our inevitable end. Many of us will make it all the way to our last moment without giving it much thought at all. And maybe those people are the lucky ones.

But I’m finding that, amidst all of my struggles with my body, I’m coming to be more and more at peace with the thing that is perhaps the most true and most universal part of the experience of life, which is its impermanence. And maybe, despite all of the ways my physical being may be fragile, this makes me extraordinarily strong in ways that will transcend the time I have in this particular form. 

I can’t cling to my body or force it to exist beyond its limitations.

But I can infuse my spirit with a strength that will carry it through whatever comes its way, in this lifetime or the next. 

Your Best Will Always Be Enough

Usually at the outset of a new month I have a big burst of energy. There is something about turning the page on the calendar that feels refreshing and uplifting and while I won’t say that none of that new month optimism is present for me at the moment, it would be dishonest of me to pretend that it is not coupled with a great deal of weariness. The cumulative strain and grief of a full year of navigating a pandemic, some recent news from a doctor that was not devastating, but certainly left me shaken, and the uncertainty about what lies ahead for me and for us finds me arriving at this new month with a little less vigor and pep than is typical for me. And I’ve decided that that’s okay.

As someone who, more than anything, wants my legacy to be one of uplifting others who are struggling, I often find myself walking a fine line with what I share with my community here online. I, of course, want my words and images to bring hope, inspiration, and nourishment to anyone who comes across them, but I am also committed to being real and honoring the full spectrum of my/the human experience. If you’ve been following me for any length of time you know that I do not have any interest in bypassing or toxic positivity. 

And so, my message for the beginning of this month is a tempered one and draws from a lesson that my father gifted me with when I was in 6th grade. It was a tough year for me. Up until this last year I would have said it was the toughest year of my life. My home life was chaotic and overwhelming that year and for the first time in my academic career, my grades suffered to the point that my report card required a parent’s signature. As I handed the report to my father, my hands shook. I was ashamed and also scared of what his reaction might be.

He reviewed my grades and then looked at me and calmly asked, “Did you do your best?”

I answered “yes” honestly as tears welled up in my eyes and then he placed his giant bear paw hands on my shoulders and said, “Then, I’m proud of you.”

I broke down into sobs of relief and some other feeling that I still can’t quite name.

To know that it was enough, that I was enough, despite the ways I felt I had fallen short, shattered me.

I have thought about that moment so much over the past year and especially in the past handful of months, none of which has looked anything like I would have hoped. 

There have been days where I have been able to create meaning and purpose out of these odd times, but there have also been days where I have struggled to hold myself together or do anything of substance at all. On the days where I’m in the latter experience, I have noticed the voice of my inner bully piping up, telling me I should be doing more, or that I should be handling things better. And then, I remember the question my father asked me and I ask it of myself: Am I doing my best? 

And as long as the answer is yes, I take a deep exhale and begin the practice of releasing myself from the grips of shame and not-enoughness. 

Some days, our best is what we envision it to be. For me that looks like taking good care of my mind and body, showing up in my power and light, and engaging in meaningful work that serves both myself and others. 

But some days, our best just looks like making it through. And whatever that looks like for you, please know that you deserve grace on those days, too.

As I look to this new month ahead, in this wildly strange time, I don’t feel the need to set any big goals or place high expectations on myself. The only thing that I am asking of myself in this moment is that I do my best. And my hope for myself, is that I truly know in my heart that it’s enough, that I am enough. I hope you know that you are, too.

This is What I Remember

I’m sure I must have driven through Gaviota sometime before, but the first time I remember going through the pass was almost exactly 5 years ago with one of my dearest friends on our way to Big Sur. It’s hard to put into words exactly, but as soon as we entered the gorge, I felt like I had fallen under some sort of spell and was completely enchanted by the only stretch of wilderness along the SoCal coastline that extends all the way to the ocean. The rugged mountains with stone cliffs and dense vegetation felt like something from another land and time. I can remember seeing the wind caves and feeling completely haunted by their beauty. Like they were singing to me. A song much, much older than human language.

I said for years that I was going to go hike up to those caves, but somehow it wasn’t until yesterday that I finally got around to making the trek. I had a whole day planned: hike up to the wind caves, explore a bit, then on to the peak for lunch. If I made it down early enough I would head over to the hot springs and then spend some time at my new favorite beach in Goleta on the way back down to Ojai.

Well...you know what they say about best laid plans...

I arrived in Gaviota in the morning, made my way up the 1.25 mile climb to the wind caves, spent some time exploring all of the various caverns, and then proceeded to roll my left ankle just as I was starting out on the second leg of my climb to the peak.

I quickly realized that I couldn’t put any weight on my left foot at all without experiencing radiating pain and decided to abandon the peak and make my way back down to the trailhead. 

The terrain on the trail is steep, fairly uneven at points, and includes areas where scrambling is required. I hobbled and hopped on one foot in the areas where I could do so and crab-crawled through the sections that I couldn’t safely navigate with only one point on the ground.

It was easily the slowest descent I have ever made on a hike, and as I made my way down the mountain, inches at a time, I started thinking about how I had always wondered what would happen if I ever got injured while I was hiking alone. That this had actually been one of the fears that kept me from hiking alone for a long time. And here I was, meeting that very fear, head on. 

I decided about a month ago around my birthday that the practice I wanted to lean into most during this trip around the sun was consciously choosing grace. Trusting in the universe and myself. Moving in harmony with the ebbs and flows of life rather than resisting or forcing. Embracing whatever comes my way as if I had chosen it and meeting it with clear eyes and an open heart. I feel like yesterday was one of my first potent lessons in those very practices.

Not only did I realize that I was able to handle much more than I thought I could, I was also reminded that I am never alone.

Several different pairs of people who were hiking up actually offered to help me get back down the mountain. Honestly, I would have been floored regardless, but in the time of Covid when contact with others feels riskier than usual, this felt like such immense generosity of spirit that the gestures alone infused me with strength. I also know without a doubt that my father’s spirit was right there with me too. He was far from a perfect man, but I’ve never known anyone who was able to summon up grit and sheer will in the way that he could. When I had moments of feeling like I wanted to stop, I took a deep breath, reminded myself of where I come from, and continued forward.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever been so happy to see my car.

I decided to have my ankle checked out and thankfully it’s not broken, just badly sprained, and I’m hoping to be back to my usual shenanigans in the next couple of weeks. Probably with some additional ankle support and most definitely with a renewed sense of faith in humans, the universe, and myself. 

So much of how we see our life, current and future, depends on how we choose to frame our past. What I will remember about yesterday is the beauty of the place I live, the kindnesses that were offered to me, the fact that I was able to crawl my way down a mountain on one leg, and that I did it with grace.

When Spirit Sends in the Snakes

At the time that I was born, my dad had two very large boa constrictors as pets. Their names were Slick and Rambo and they were big enough to eat live chickens. My dad let them roam freely in an atrium in the center of our house that also had a hot tub and there are pictures of me at about 4 years old with one of them draped around my shoulders, my two little hands barely big enough to wrap around its neck. I don’t ever remember being afraid of them in the slightest. 

One evening when I was about 6, my parents were out in the garage looking for something and had left the backdoor open. I walked into the kitchen to see a large black snake, not one of our pets, slithering across the floor, and yelled to my dad that a snake had gotten inside. My mom yelled back from the garage that it was just the vacuum hose that she had left out in the kitchen earlier, but when my dad came in moments later, he took one look at the snake and then looked at me and said, “I didn’t really think you would confuse a vacuum hose for a snake,” and smiled before getting a broom to gently guide the snake back out the back door.

I grew up with a deep respect for snakes, no sense that they were anything to fear, but certainly had an acute awareness of their power and knew that poisonous snakes were absolutely not to be tangled with. It wasn’t until I started studying lore, mythology, and the spiritual symbolism of animals that I started to see snake encounters as messages from Spirit. In some of the traditions I’ve studied, snakes represent transmutation and alchemy, the process of transforming something seemingly mundane into something greater than what it was before. I think of this process often when I’m dealing with hardship in life, and the analogy that comes to mind isn’t the prettiest, but truly, what represents turning hardship into something meaningful and uplifting more than the image of shit being used to fertilize a garden? When I’m really going through it, I often ask myself, “How can I use this moment to create beauty? What gifts are held within this experience? What goodness can I mine out of these circumstances?”

I have asked myself those questions a lot in recent months as the isolation I’ve experienced as a result of the pandemic has pushed me up against all sorts of internal edges. And the thing I keep coming back to is that this period of time to myself would be a wonderful opportunity to write the book I’ve been saying I was going to write for far too many years. 

I even made a proclamation a couple of months ago that I was officially committing to writing my story, little by little, in the months ahead, and got several short pieces out, but eventually dropped out of the flow and let my writing fall to the wayside once again.

Sometimes when we don’t listen to that inner voice, Spirit comes in and sends us messages that are a little more jarring. If we don’t catch it the first time, the messengers will just keep on coming, with increasing intensity until the message is received. This past week, the messengers came in the form of rattlesnakes.

I have lived in Ojai for a little over two and a half years and, before this week, I had come across a rattlesnake only once. A friend of mine and I were walking a fire trail along the foothills overlooking Ojai one evening and were moving quite briskly on our way back because the light was fading very quickly. We heard the rattle before we saw the snake, but once we looked up, we saw that we had startled a rather large rattlesnake which, in response, had reared up and even lunged forward towards us in a defensive maneuver as it shook its rattle to warn us that we had come a little too close too quickly. 

We backed up and it eventually calmed down and slithered off the trail and we made our way back to the car, a little adrenaline-buzzed, but otherwise unscathed. 

About a week ago, I came upon another rattlesnake in almost the exact same section of that trail. I was by myself and had just spent several hours roaming around in the upper hills so my energy was very mellow and I walking at a gentle pace. I saw the snake when it was about 15 feet in front of me and proceeded to walk forward, cautiously, giving it a wide berth. I’m not sure if it was trying to go undetected or simply just unbothered by me, but it never moved a muscle. I stood there admiring it for a few minutes and then continued on towards the trailhead.

Then, over this past weekend, I went hiking with a friend and on our way down the mountain, we came around a switchback to find a rattlesnake making its way across the trail into some brush. My friend made his way through that part of the trail ahead of me and when he neared that area the rattlesnake sounded its alarm, but continued moving away from us deeper into the brush.

At the time I thought that it was quite unusual to see two rattlesnakes in a single week, and then last night, as another friend of mine and I were making our way back down a different trail with her dog, we apparently caught another rattlesnake off guard on a narrow section of trail with low shrubs all around. The previous two encounters hadn’t phased me particularly because I saw each of those snakes before I was anywhere near them, but the one last night definitely shook me momentarily as I couldn’t immediately pinpoint where the sounds was coming from, even though I knew what was making it and that it was quite a bit closer than I would have liked for it to be. 

When I have unusual encounters with animals, I typically make a mental note of whatever I sense the message to be about and then get on with my business, but sometimes the messages are so intense and clear that no mental note is necessary. The run in with the rattlesnake last night felt like someone clapping their hands right in front of my face. A wake up call of sorts. And as I was showering off the sweat and trail dust and letting the ringing of that unmistakable sound begin to settle from my nervous system, I knew, without question, what message that snake was meant to give me. 

Writing this book isn’t a choice. It’s something that has to come through me. 

That little voice inside of me has been saying so for quite some time. And even though I’ve heard it and known that it needed to be honored, my actual response has amounted to a “yeah yeah yeah”.

I wasn’t listening. Not really. 

So Spirit sent in the snakes. And not some little grass snakes or gopher snakes or other sweet-natured serpents, but fiery, fierce rattlers, singing their shrill song, telling me it’s time to create. To transmute my struggles into something that can offer healing, to myself, and hopefully to others as well. To use this time wisely by making a gift out of circumstances that I never would have asked for.

So here I am. Starting clumsily, but starting nonetheless. 

I’m listening.

I’m writing.

And if Spirit happens to be listening as well, I hope it knows that no additional venomous snakes are necessary. Message received and very much noted.

Weekly Forecast Monday July 27th, 2020

Monday 7/27 – Black Panther Reversed - Surrender. You were never in control anyway and all that energy you’ve been spending trying to push and force your will is only leaving you drained. When you let go of how you think things are supposed to be, you open up space for Spirit to come through and show you possibilities you never could have imagined. If you stay present and curious, you’ll be more than capable of handling anything that comes your way, regardless of whether you had a plan in place or not. 

Tuesday 7/28 – Owl - There are some things in life that can’t be solved or figured out with logic. Today you’ll likely encounter an experience that doesn’t quite add up on paper and the more you try to figure it out with your mind, the less you’ll actually understand. Instead, tune into your subtle senses. What is your gut telling you? Sometimes we can feel the truth of a situation before we ever have any sort of concrete proof. Trust your inner knowing, always, but especially today. 

Wednesday 7/29 – Horse Reversed – If you’ve been feeling disconnected from Spirit you’re most likely also disconnected from yourself. We often think of the spirit world and the physical world as two completely separate entities but the truth is that they are absolutely intertwined and much of the way we receive guidance from Spirit is through our bodies. If we are ungrounded or disassociated, it can be much more difficult to tune into our intuition, so take some time today to come back home to your body, your breath, and your steadily beating heart. Lie on the earth. Breathe deeply. Move in ways that feel nourishing. Once you’ve reconnected to your physical experience, you’ll be much more able to receive intuitive messages and the guidance that will most serve you on your journey. 

Thursday 7/30 – Antelope  – That thing that you’ve been thinking about and wanting to do, but just haven’t felt quite ready for yet? No more waiting. Whether you take a tiny first step or dive all the way in, there will never be a better moment to begin than right now. You may not be able to see the full path laid out in front of you, but with each step, the way forward will become illuminated. Make your moves slowly and mindfully if need be, but by all means, make your moves. 

Friday 7/31 – Buffalo Reversed – We can pray all day and all night, but if we don’t also keep our eyes and heart open, we might miss the very blessings that are being sent our way. Today we are asked to both ask for support, either from Spirit or from those around us, and then to also practice being receptive. Sometimes help comes in the most unlikely forms so don’t be surprised if you receive what you’ve been asking for from a stranger, from unusual circumstances, or possibly even from a grace that you experience internally. You may even find that what you’ve been calling in has actually been right under your nose all along and all you had to do was tune into the abundance you already had.

Saturday 8/1 – Armadillo – Boundaries aren’t something we can set once and never tend to again. As beings that (hopefully) are constantly growing and evolving, our relationship with our boundaries should be constantly shifting as well. Take some time today to check in on how your relationship with boundary-setting is or isn’t serving you. Are your boundaries so rigid that they tend to limit your ability to create intimate connections with others? If so, where can you soften them while still honoring your own needs? Or, if you find that you often experience resentment or feelings of being taken advantage of, you might want to look at where you can strengthen your boundaries, not only with your words but with your actions as well. Check in. Tweak as needed. Rinse and repeat often. The more you maintain a steady practice of feeling into what is and isn’t working for you, the easier it will be for you to create happy, healthy, and sustainable relationship dynamics. 

Sunday 8/2 – Opossum – Do your best to stay away from any combative or chaotic energies today. Even if someone is trying to antagonize you, your best bet is to stay non-reactive and let them spin out any energies they’re needing to release. Whatever you do, don’t take the bait. Instead, take some physical space if you can or at least tune inward and focus on your ability to create peace internally through grounding breath practices, mantras, or anything other tools that support you in staying centered. Once the energy settles down, you’ll have a much better change at having a productive conversation and it’s possible that the issue may resolve on its own once the other party has time to sort through their side of things.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

The Story of My Scars

Some of you know that I have been on a long and tedious journey with skin cancer. As a redhead with blue eyes and very fair skin, I’ve always known that I needed to be careful in the sun. Growing up, I did my best to use sunscreen any time I knew I was going to be outside for any extended period of time and tried to avoid getting burned, although there were a handful of times where I wasn’t careful enough. By the time I was in my preteens I was wearing sunscreen on my face daily no matter what. Sure, I got a little bit of pinkness on my nose and shoulders here and there, but that seemed pretty harmless at the time, especially when I would watch friends of mine bathe in the sun for hours on end.

I had my first skin cancer removal nearly ten years ago shortly after I moved back to Los Angeles from the Bay Area. It was a basal cell carcinoma, the least aggressive type of skin cancer, and the removal was pretty simple and involved almost no downtime. I assumed that was an anomaly and that, if at all, I wouldn’t have to deal with anything like that again for many, many years. 

Little did I know that only five years later, I would enter a phase of my life that would be punctuated with surgery after surgery. To date, I have had 8 skin cancer removals, 5 on my arms, 1 on my leg, and 2 removals on my forehead. If that sounds like a lot that’s because it is. 

I have a sister who is only eighteen months younger than me and who I was nearly inseparable from as a child. We played outside for hours on end as kids and, while I’m sure there have been some differences in our habits over the years, we’ve had essentially the same amount of sun exposure and yet she has not had any skin cancers develop (and I’m very much hoping it stays that way for her), while I have found one little abnormal patch of skin pop up on my body after another. 

As I write this, I am bandaged up in three different places on my body from more biopsies and am scheduled to have a couple more biopsies taken from areas on my face in the weeks ahead.

I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t scared, sad, angry, and pretty much any other emotion you might imagine to be fitting in this moment.

I have been lucky so far that nothing has been more serious than a basal cell carcinoma, but even so, the surgeries have not been easy on my body or my heart. 

As vain as it might sound, the ones on my face have been the hardest, not because I felt that my features were some pinnacle of perfection, but they are what I have always known and the thought of potentially one day looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself behind my scars leaves me shaken. 

I have had to remind myself again and again that I am not my body and even more so that my body is not mine, at least not in a permanent way. Yes, this vessel of flesh is how I move through the world. It is how I experience the sensations of being human. But, it is not who I am.

It is also not something that comes with any sort of guarantee. 

Whether it happens slowly or all at once, we are all moving towards disintegration every single day of our lives. 

Is it strange that this thought somehow comforts me? Makes me feel less alone? Less broken somehow?

I don’t know what’s going to happen or how much more of this is on the horizon for me. 

I do know that worrying about it changes nothing and, while there are still days that I get swallowed up by the sinking dread of things that may or may not ever come to pass, I feel something shifting deep within me, a new level of surrender, because really, what else can one do when confronted with the reality that we are not actually in control?

Resistance to what is only heightens the suffering, so I am trying to find a way to embrace, (yes, embrace) this experience that I never would have asked for but I know must certainly hold some gifts for me. And I think that is part of why I am sharing this here and now with you, whoever you are. 

I have been quiet about this part of my experience for so many reasons. Up until now it had felt too raw and too vulnerable to splay out for everyone to see. Even though it makes absolutely no rational sense, there is some sort of shame tied up in health struggles for so many of us, as if we are somehow to blame when things in our body go haywire, even if we have cared for ourselves as well as we could. But if there’s anything I know about shame, it’s that it can’t live in the light of day. When we put it out in the open and say, “here it is, this may not be the prettiest or most easily celebrated part of my journey, but I own it just as much as all the rest of it”, we take our power back. We claim something and in doing so we also open up the possibility for releasing it when the time is right. 

If you’re still here reading this, then thank you for bearing witness to this piece of me that I have struggled with most often in silence for really much too long. I hope that if you’re going through something similar, on any level, that this somehow helps you to feel less alone and maybe even more capable of embracing whatever it is that is yours in this moment, regardless of whether you would have chosen it or not. If nothing else, I hope you know that it’s okay to be human. Scars and all.

Weekly Forecast Monday July 13th, 2020

Monday 7/13 – Raccoon - This week opens up with a call to open our eyes to the ways in which we are privileged and to be intentional about using that privilege to elevate those around us who may not have access to the same opportunities that we do. This could look like connecting someone with influential people in their desired field of work, giving visibility to someone who might often be overlooked or underrepresented, or sharing resources, whether that be time or money, with someone in a way that helps them have a better chance at success. The key is to make sure that what you’re doing truly empowers the person you’re supporting rather than puts you in a position of “savior”. Keep the spotlight on the person you’re uplifting and know that it is an honor to pay forward the fortune that has been bestowed upon you. 

Tuesday 7/14 – Buffalo - Don’t be afraid to ask for help today. From Spirit or from the people around you. Despite cultural fixations on concepts of independence or being “self-made”, the truth is that none of us do anything magnificent without some form of support. This idea may be humbling but it also opens us up to be able to receive and that is vital for living a life of abundance. And don’t be surprised if you get what you asked for in a rather unexpected form. Sometimes our guides show up in the most peculiar ways so keep your eyes and heart open.

Wednesday 7/15 – Fox – We all have the ability to expand or contract our presence or auric field and today we are being asked to be mindful of how we’re choosing to show up. In some instances, it is absolutely our duty and privilege to step forward into the spotlight and to share our gifts in a way that supports those around us. In other moments, it is important to step back and allow someone or something else to take center stage. Take time to tune into the energy both around and within you and ask yourself what best serves in this moment. 

Thursday 7/16 – Hawk Reversed  – Hawk comes to us again this week in the reversed position reminding us to actively soothe and ground our own energy so that we can free ourselves from obsessive worry and instead direct that energy towards something more productive. A balance of creative expression and movement can offer a great deal of support. Channel whatever is coming up for you into writing, art, or any other means that will allow you to transmute your stress into something tangible that you can choose to hold and then release when the time is right and then utilize somatic work like movement or breathwork to process through any residual or lingering energy. Yes this can feel like a lot of work at times, but anything that we don’t process and release remains stuck inside of us and there’s nothing more valuable than feeling free from energetic baggage that you were never meant to hold on to. 

Friday 7/17 – Wild Boar Reversed – Today the task is to find the balance between unapologetically sharing our truth and being compassionate. This applies as much to the way we show up for ourselves as it does to the way we relate to others. Speak from the heart. Avoid shaming and blaming. And keep the focus on your own experience. You can’t control how others receive or perceive you, but as long as you are being honest and kind, you can trust that the chips will fall exactly where they’re meant to. 

Saturday 7/18 – Bat Reversed  – Change is unavoidable and resisting the shifts that naturally take place in our lives is a recipe for suffering. Practice holding life with a softer grip today and allow people, opportunities, and your own identity to show up, evolve, or fall away as they will. The more you are able to breathe through the experience and stay present, the more you’ll be able to access clarity around how you can move with the currents of your life rather than against them.

Sunday 7/19 – Grouse – Life is such a journey and it’s easy to forget to take time to honor how far we’ve come. Even if you feel like you’re still trying to learn the same lessons you’ve been working on for years or feel that you still have such a long way to go, please know that you are doing so much better than you likely give yourself credit for. The way you side step things that used to trip you up. The way you are less reactive to certain triggers. The way you are more gentle with yourself when you make a mistake. All of this matters. Honor your journey and your growth today, and in doing so, you’ll find that you’ve also integrated the wisdom that will only support you in moving through the world more gracefully in the days ahead.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday July 6th, 2020

Monday 7/6 – Whale - The call for today is to find your voice and, while that can certainly include speaking your truth more boldly, it’s about much more than what you say. You have unique gifts that you are meant to share during your time on this earth and it’s time for you to offer them up. If you’re not sure what those are, reconnect with the things that brought you joy as a child. The things that light you up and inspire you are not random and are absolutely connected to your purpose and destiny. 

Tuesday 7/7 – Deer Reversed - Compassion for others begins with how we hold our own shadows and wounds. If we’ve found that we’re being hypercritical or unnecessarily harsh towards those around us, it might be time to look within and inquire about whether or not the standards we hold ourselves and others to are actually fair or kind. Forgive yourself and those around you where you can, as much for your own healing as for theirs. If you need to still keep someone at a distance in order to honor your own boundaries and wellbeing, then do so, but make sure that it’s done in the spirit of love.

Wednesday 7/8 – Hawk Reversed – Spirit is speaking to us constantly, but it’s difficult to hear the soft whispers of our intuition when we are feeling frazzled, over-stimulated, and moving at a frenetic pace. Slow down. Catch your breath. Center yourself through grounding practices like meditation, gentle movement, or time in nature. Even a few minutes with your bare feet on the earth can powerfully shift your energetic state and support you in coming back home to your body. Once you are able to tune into the wisdom of your subtle senses again, you’ll be much more able to see your present circumstances with clarity and determine what the next right step is. 

Thursday 7/9 – Lynx Reversed  – Whether you stumbled into some information that wasn’t intended for you or you’re simply a very perceptive person that tends to just know things about people, it’s important to remember that knowledge is power and power needs to be wielded responsibly. Be mindful of any temptation to talk behind others’ backs or to confront people with truths that they may not be ready to receive. Trust that any insights you’ve gained are meant more for your own reflection and healing and that anything that’s meant to come to light will in its own time. 

Friday 7/10 – Salmon Reversed – The messages around tuning more deeply into our inner knowing continue today as Salmon in the reversed position asks us to listen to our desires and to honor their wisdom. It’s important to note that this doesn’t require us to run out and buy a plane ticket to Paris just because we’ve had a vision of the Eiffel Tower. While some people may have intuitive gifts that present in very literal ways, for most of us, the messages are more subtle, layered, and personal. Look for the meaning within the messages you are receiving. Do they remind you of something? What feeling do they leave you with? Do they call forth a part of you that you had forgotten about? And if so, in what way can you start taking steps to bring that part of your inner truth into your day to day life?

Saturday 7/11 – Porcupine  – The world can be a heavy place sometimes and it can be all too easy to become jaded or shut down, but Porcupine reminds us of the importance of staying connected to our inner child. Make time for creativity and play today. Spend time with people who bring out your softness and vulnerability. Do something silly just to make yourself laugh and to loosen up the tension that builds up from the stresses of life. These things may seem simple and even frivolous but they are absolutely vital to our ability to create healthy and fulfilling lives, so make sure that you are honoring the child-like spirit that will always live within you. 

Sunday 7/12 – Turkey Reversed – If you’ve been feeling either that you don’t have enough or that you aren’t enough, the anti-dote might be counter-intuitive--find a way to give back. You always have something to offer the world, even if that is only your time or a simple act of kindness. Find a way to be of service today and notice how the act of giving actually amplifies your experience of abundance. 

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

The Long Journey Home

I honestly can’t remember a time in my childhood when I felt comfortable in my own skin. I’ve had to work pretty hard for that and only now as I am on the tail-end of the third decade of my life am I starting to embrace the full spectrum of the being that I am. Not that that’s always a graceful or seamless process even these days. 

I still feel like I talk too much and manage to pull off astounding levels of awkwardness in some of the most seemingly straightforward social situations. For anyone who has ever seen me as “cool” for even a brief moment in time, God love you. To me the essence of true coolness is being so deeply secure in who you are that you just radiate ease and warmth. No need to judge others or to get too ruffled by anything anyone does because you just love and accept who you are and are therefore able to extend the same grace to others.

I work on this practice daily. It’s a mix of shadow work, radical self love, and authentic embodiment work and I don’t imagine I’ll ever run out of material to dig into. 

I can remember coming home from school in first grade, marching upstairs and into the bathroom, and climbing right up onto the sink so I could get as close to the mirror as possible.

I would look not really at but into myself. I would search for who I was inside the little shell of a girl who never felt like her spirit matched the body she was given for this go round. 

I sometimes stared into the mirror for so long that my features would stop making any sense and I’d no longer be completely sure which side of the mirror I was even on.

I started a new school at the beginning of sixth grade and decided that, since I wouldn’t know a soul there, it was my chance to try a different version of myself on for size.

On my first day of school, when my teacher called my name during roll, I raised my hand and told her with a nonchalant smile that, “I actually go by Dottie.” 

She seemed confused and I said something vague about it being a family nickname and that no one calls me “Ashley”.

I’m still not sure how, at 10 years old, I was able to summon enough bravado to tell such a lie with a completely straight face, but my teacher either bought it or decided to just forgo trying to sort through what was going on with the odd little new student in her class and for the rest of that year, I was “Dottie”.

The next year my father moved my sister and me out to the outskirts of Houston where we lived part time in a commune and part time with the mother of one of my dad’s friends while he lived in an apartment in downtown Houston. I never saw anyone from my sixth grade class again, but all of the farewell notes from my friends in my yearbook from that year say things like, “See you next year, Dottie!” and “Have a great summer, Dottie!”.

I guess if I ran into any of my friends from that school on the street today, I would still be “Dottie” to them.

I’m not sure that my family ever really fully knew about my little sixth grade social experiment. My dad did seem somewhat bemused when friends from school would call our house and ask for “Dottie”, but I just told him that it was just something friends from school called me.

At home, to him and my sister and any of the other cast of characters that might be living with us at any given time, I was always “Ashley”.

I never tried to change my name again but that certainly wasn’t the end of my identity exploration.

From high school to college to the handful of years working odd jobs post-graduation and even into my time in graduate school, I shaped-shifted time and time again.

I jumped from one social group to another, tapping into different parts of myself within the context of each scene. 

Each version was a slice of the truth. But when you build friendships based on only a fraction of who you are, they often stop feeling like a fit once the full range of your being starts seeping through. And it always does eventually.

It took years for me to stop playing the roles of whoever it was that I thought people wanted me to be and to just start allowing the full weight of who I actually am to land and to be willing to deal with the consequences of that.

But what a relief it was to finally stop trying to keep so much of myself tucked in.

I still have moments where I catch myself in the mirror and wonder who is in there, behind the eyes inside this vessel that still doesn’t always feel like mine.

The difference now though is that the question feels lighter because I know the answer will never be one thing. And that I don’t need to go searching for myself.

I’m right here. I’ve always been right here. 

All I needed to do was create space for my truth to come through and then welcome every bit of it  in, without exception, when it does.

Part of Everything

I’ve never been good at smalltalk. I blame my father for that. 

After my mother moved out of our house just shortly before I turned seven, my sister and I started accompanying my father to work on occasions when he couldn’t find a babysitter. He was an emergency room doctor and often worked back-to-back shifts at emergency rooms all over the Houston metropolitan area.

My sister and I would stay in his on call room, eating vending machine food and watching TV from the hospital bed, while he worked. Sometimes we would play in the hospital hallways and distract the nurses. We just had to make sure that my father never caught us since, depending on his mood, his reaction could range from amusement to contempt.

Sometimes the drives between one hospital and the next took hours. Anyone who’s ever driven from one side of Houston to the other knows that it’s a sprawling beast of a city.

My dad was often exhausted from a combination of workaholism and sleep apnea and, since my sister pretty much always fell asleep a matter of minutes into any long drive, it became my job to sit up front and keep him from falling asleep at the wheel. 

Maybe it was because he was essentially trusting me to keep all of us alive, but on these drives, he never treated me like a kid. I was the copilot, a fellow soldier, and his confidant. 

We would sometimes listen to music or books on tape, but mostly we would just talk about anything and everything.

Death was something that came up a lot.

I remember him asking me what I thought happened after we die and how, when I told him I thought we were like gas being released from a jar, that we become part of everything, extending infinitely into space, he smiled softly and nodded, eyes still fixed on the road, calm as could be, almost as if he were daydreaming.

When he told me that he wanted to choose how he went, that he never wanted to be old or bed-ridden and that one day, he would choose when it was his time and go, I understood what he was saying and accepted it.

I don’t remember feeling any fear or sadness. It seemed like a fair choice and one that was his to make.

And I can’t say now that I feel differently, except that I’m not sure his plan accounted for the possibility that our birth and death and everything in between may be guided by forces so much bigger than we could ever wrap our minds around. And that to try to tamper with or control the very essence of our existence, the energies that cause our hearts to beat and our spirits to be drawn to everything that they are, might be absolutely futile.

That perhaps there are some things we are destined to go through in one form or another, for the growth and evolution of our souls. And that if we try to bypass these parts of our journey, we will only find ourselves rerouted again and again back to that same part of the path until we have the courage to walk down it.

I can’t know if this is true for certain, but it feels true from the depths of my being.

And I’m not  sure where he is right now. My father, in and of himself, was quite the force of nature.

Sometimes I think he’s everywhere at once, permeating every swath of existence.

Sometimes I think he’s living another life. Revisiting everything he loved and everything he wasn’t yet ready to meet in his last one.

I hope this time he feels like he can face it. 

Whatever it is.

I guess that’s something I hope for all of us.

Weekly Forecast Monday June 29th, 2020

Monday 6/29 – Moose - You say you love yourself but are your habits and actions showing that as well? We all have little ways where we treat ourselves as less worthy than we truly are and today is a wonderful day to look lovingly at the way we can be kinder and more nourishing to ourselves. Are you eating like you love yourself? Are you moving like you love yourself? Are you choosing to surround yourself with people that reflect your intrinsic worth and beauty? Are you speaking kind words to and about yourself both internally and out loud? Self-love is an inside job but sometimes working from the outside in helps us embody a truth that we may have believed in our minds, but didn’t feel in our core. 

Tuesday 6/30 – Owl - Do your best to stay in “beginner’s mind” today and question what you think you know. Get curious about anything that leaves you feeling confused and allow your intuition to guide you to the truth that may be held just beneath the surface of the circumstances at hand. Trust your gut, but also watch out for a desire to attach literal interpretations to what you sense. Your feelings don’t need to be logical to honor them, and sometimes their essence and message can get lost when we get wrapped up in a loop of intellectualization and analysis. 

Wednesday 7/1 – Armadillo Reversed – If you are feeling resentful, angry, used, or hurt, there’s a good chance that your boundaries have been crossed, either by yourself or by someone else. Instead of repressing these feelings, allow them to serve as a map for what you need in order to feel safe and respected in your relationships. If the trespass took place in a relationship with another person, it might be worth examining whether or not you were clear about your boundaries in both your words and actions. We can’t expect others to know how we would like to be loved if we don’t express that clearly. If you are certain that your boundaries had been stated and were simply ignored, it’s a good time to consider the nature of the relationship, whether the other party is capable of honoring your needs, and how much access you would like for them to have to you as you move forward. Compassion for others starts with compassion towards yourself, so make sure that you are treating yourself with loving kindness and if others can’t meet you on that bridge, then it’s okay to release them with love. 

Thursday 7/2 – Elk  – It would seem that Elk isn’t quite done with us yet and is showing up for the third week in a row to remind us to take care of ourselves and to be mindful of how much we’re taking on. Of course, there will be days where we burn the candle at both ends but if this is becoming more the norm than the exception it may be time to reassess your priorities and commitments. No matter how noble your mission is in this world, you can’t carry it out if your vessel is falling apart; so take care of yourself, mind, body, and spirit.

Friday 7/3 – Salmon Reversed – Listen closely to those calls and desires that are coming from deep within your heart and spirit. Even, and maybe especially, if they don’t make sense. Your heart has its own wisdom and is always trying to guide you into deeper alignment with your soul’s purpose. If there is something that you are feeling passionate about or inexplicably drawn towards, acknowledge and honor that! 

Saturday 7/4 – Mouse Reversed  – Today the message is about practicing discernment and tuning into our senses, both our standard visceral senses but also our subtle senses as well, and allowing them to inform us as we move throughout our days. Check in with your gut, your breath, your heart, and any other place in your experience where you tend to open or close in response to things around you. Notice what leaves you feeling softer, safer, and more expansive. Notice what causes you to stiffen and contract. This practice alone can be one of the most empowering ways we can cultivate self awareness and clarity around what truly serves and supports us and what may not.

Sunday 7/5 – Antelope – If you’ve been holding back or feeling paralyzed lately, it’s time to take a deep breath and then move into action. There are certain things in our lives that we will never feel fully ready for, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t meant to go forward. Whether you choose to leap fully or to start by dipping a toe in, take that first step. You might be surprised how much tension you release just by breaking out of the cycle of indecision. Also, it’s important to remember that, if you start making your way down a path and find that it’s not leading you where you want to go, you can always turn around and reroute. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on the fact that you gained a little more experience and perspective to take into the next leg of your journey. There’s no such thing as failure. Only opportunities to learn.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday June 22nd, 2020

Monday 6/22 – Skunk - Notice the relationship between the energy you put out into the world and the reflection of yourself you see in others. If you find that there’s a pattern in the types of dynamics you have in your relationships or that you keep having similar experiences with a variety of people in your life, ask yourself how you are contributing to those circumstances. That’s not to say that you are responsible for how other people show up, but when you realize that aspects of our own shadow can often be mirrored to us by others it’s much easier to uncover the places where we still have healing to do.

Tuesday 6/23 – Bear - Take some time away from any unnecessary stimuli today and drop into stillness. That could be through a 5-10 minute meditation, an afternoon out in nature, or maybe even some time for stream of consciousness writing. Your intuition may have an important message for you right now, but if you don’t create space for quiet, the din of your day to day life might drown out that wise but often soft inner voice. Taking this time to tune in can be especially important if you are struggling with a problem or have been feeling a bit lost. Don’t underestimate the guidance that can come through during dream states as well. If there’s something you’d like clarity around, set that intention before going to sleep tonight and be sure to keep a journal near your bed so you can write down any messages that come through upon waking.

Wednesday 6/24 – Dog – Sometimes it can seem like we have to choose between being true to ourselves and showing up in a way that suits others, but the truth is that the best thing you can do for the people in your life is to be the most authentic version of yourself. It is only when you are truly loyal to your own heart that you can honor the validity of the needs and desires of others in a compassionate way. If you’ve been feeling torn, come back to your own center, uncover what’s true for you, and then care for yourself around that as lovingly as you can, while holding space for the people around you to do the same. 

Thursday 6/25 – Alligator  – A major part of any personal growth or spiritual journey is integration of the lessons we learn as well as the parts of ourselves that we uncover as we gain self awareness. It’s important to remember that, particularly if we are integrating parts of our shadow or experiences that we might feel shame around, compassion is a vital part of the process. Even the most difficult and painful moments in our lives can offer us the gift of wisdom and expansion if we only have the courage to sit with and process our experiences, and then ultimately do the work to heal.

Friday 6/26 – Hummingbird – Joy is a birthright for each and everyone of us, but it is so easy to forget amidst the grief and chaos of the world. Today, come back to yourself through simple, grounding pleasures like getting a good stretch, a delicious meal, snuggles with someone you care about, a relaxing bath or shower, or placing yourself in the presence of beauty. The key here is to really allow yourself to be present to the visceral gratitude you receive from the experience and to let that nourish you from the inside out. 

Saturday 6/27 – Raccoon  – We all need a helping hand from time to time and today it’s your turn to show up and pay it forward. Look around in your community and notice who might be struggling or who could simply benefit from a little extra support. Offer whatever you have in abundance, whether that’s time, money, social capital, or supportive words and energy. Just make sure that you’re helping in a way that serves to empower rather than create a sense of dependence or helplessness.

Sunday 6/28 – Elk Reversed – It’s time to slow down, to rest, and to get realistic about what you're actually capable of doing in a 24 hour period. If you’re running at a frenetic pace and feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, doing more and faster isn’t the answer. Find a pace that allows you to still honor your needs and wellbeing and then focus on being consistent rather than trying to cram as much productivity in as you can. In the long run, you may find that you actually get more done this way and you’ll be much more likely to enjoy your accomplishments if you haven’t broken yourself down, in body or spirit, on the way to achieving your goals.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday June 15th, 2020

Monday 6/15 – Elk – Take a beat today and check in with your body, your mind, and your spirit. Are you feeling frenzied and frenetic? Overwhelmed? Or simply worn out? If so, it’s time to slow things down. Incessant grinding has been over-glorified in our modern culture and it’s leading many of us to place achievement over our basic needs and wellbeing. Are you going to enjoy crossing whatever finish line you’re running so quickly towards if you’re broken down physically or emotionally by the time you get there? Most likely not. So take a deep breath and recalibrate in whatever ways you need to so that you can move towards your goals in a more sustainable way. 

Tuesday 6/16 – Weasel Reversed - We humans are trucky creatures and can get ourselves tangled up in our own messes if we’re not thoughtful about how we move through the world. This can be especially true in relationship dynamics and is why it’s important to check ourselves regularly on why we’re doing the things we do and saying the things we say. Watch out for the tendency to be manipulative today. While we often think of manipulation as a malicious tendency, the truth is we all do it from time to time when we want something but don’t want to have to ask for that thing directly. It can seem oh so innocent to try to guide someone into giving us what we want but that is a subtle way of operating without consent. Instead, be straight-forward and transparent and make any requests you have in a clear way. This will help sidestep any risks of confusion, resentment, or breaches of trust and if you end up getting your wishes granted, then you can sleep easier at night knowing that you didn’t take anything that wasn’t truly offered to you.

Wednesday 6/17 – Porcupine Reversed – Of course it’s important to be discerning and to protect yourself in the face of harm, but has your fight or flight mechanism gone into overdrive? Rather than picking and choosing who can get close to you, have you created a spiky aura that blocks you from any and all connection? This might make you feel a bit safer for a short time, but staying constantly on guard will drain you and depriving yourself of loving connections will leave you feeling empty. Work at the edge of your comfort zone today. Tune into your energy field and see if you can soften into a more receptive and open-hearted state of being. Use your breath to relax your body and mind, release any resentments that have kept you bitter, and take whatever brave steps you can, no matter how small, to start to allow love into your life. 

Thursday 6/18 – Ant Reversed  – Patience isn’t just about waiting; it’s about how we carry ourselves while we wait. Rather than stewing in frustration, future-tripping, and angst, focus on what you can do during the delay. Maybe that means digging into another project or working on other aspects of the goal that you’re currently feeling stalled on. Perhaps it simply means taking a momentary break to dive into some self care and simple pleasures. Either way, there are treasures to be found in the present moment and releasing the desire to be anywhere else but right here, right now is the key to finding them. 

Friday 6/19 – Badger – Just because a lot of messages are coming through this week around pacing ourselves and patience doesn’t mean that we should give up on any of our dreams or goals. Stay committed to your pursuits by showing up for consistent and sustainable action and remind yourself often why you started. If you need to step back and assess the potential to approach your goals from a different angle, do it! Just whatever you do, don’t give up on the things that truly matter to you!

Saturday 6/20 – Armadillo  – When Armadillo shows up, it’s a reminder to check in with our boundaries and to look at where we fall on the spectrum between overly rigid boundaries and overly soft or non-existent boundaries. And don't forget that just because a certain boundary worked for you yesterday or last week that it is still exactly where it should be. We are shifting and changing all the time and our boundaries need to be as dynamic and ever-evolving as we are! Know that you always have the right to shift your boundaries as needed. And be sure that your actions back up your words so that the boundaries you speak are not empty promises to yourself. 

Sunday 6/21 – Dragonfly – We are all viewing the world through our own unique lenses and it’s important to remember to question what we think we see and know from time to time. In particular, the idea that we are separate from anything else in the universe is a distorted perspective and today the call is to notice all the ways we are actually connected to absolutely everything around us. Ask yourself again and again today, how am I impacting the world around me? How am I impacted by my environment, both my immediate environment and my broader global or universal environment? How do my actions circle back like a boomerang and ultimately show up in my own experience? This is a reminder of how truly powerful we actually are. And when we are aware of and own our power, we move through the world with a deeper sense of responsibility and grace.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday June 8th, 2020

Monday 6/8 – Black Panther  – If the only constant is change, then our job is to embrace the shifts that are happening in our lives and all of the unknowns that come along with them. Don’t waste your energy on worry or imagining the worst possible outcomes, but instead allow yourself to get curious about what is possible, to dream about the most ideal outcome, and then to remember that you can actively work to create that. You are so much more powerful than you think. 

Tuesday 6/9 – Otter Reversed - Look out for a tendency today to be competitive or the impulse to lash out at yourself or others. Consider that perhaps a wound is being triggered or some unmet needs are rising to the surface begging to be acknowledged and addressed. Dig into some self care in the form of breathwork, healing movement, and simple pleasures to bring you back to yourself. And don’t be afraid to reach out to the people that know how to love you up and support you; we are not meant to go this journey alone.

Wednesday 6/10 – Ant Reversed – Sometimes the trickiest part about having a vision is staying present with where we’re at now as we try to move towards our desired destination. But major shifts are more often than not a marathon instead of a sprint. In order to stay in the pursuit of what we wish to create it’s vital that we pace ourselves and that requires some measure of patience. Rest assured, this is not the same as apathy or a lack of dedication, but rather a strategic choice about how to take continuous, sustainable action. And again, self care is a big part of this process. Finding moments of true joy and immersing ourselves in things that are meaningful and nourishing is vital for peace of mind when we find ourselves becoming frustrated with how slowly progress seems to take place. 

Thursday 6/11 – Whale Reversed  – Speak your truth boldly today. If certain people and opportunities fall away as a result, know that they are only clearing the way for those that are more truly in alignment for you. If you’ve been hiding out or diluting your message out of fear of being truly seen (and held accountable for your full capabilities) or being targeted by those who are triggered by the mirror that you hold up to their shadows, move forward as gently as you need, but keep. moving. forward. Work at the edge of your comfort zone until one day you find yourself standing in complete unapologetic authenticity and empowerment. 

Friday 6/12 – Swan Reversed – It is so tempting to believe that if we can just do things the right way, look the right way, and, in general, fit in to some idea of what and who we are supposed to be that everything will be easier. But this can never be the path to belonging and security because to be truly accepted, we must be honest about who we are. The faster we stop trying to fit in and start celebrating what makes us different, cultivating our unique gifts, and sharing them openly with the world, the faster we will find our place, our people, and our destiny. When you practice radical acceptance (and celebration) of yourself, you not only create a deep inner sense of worthiness that will serve as a foundation for everything you do in life, you model how to do that for others as well.

Saturday 6/13 – Dragonfly – We don’t know what we don’t know and the only way to uncover our blindspots is to question what we believe to be true. Remind yourself today that there are so many versions of the truth and that you can only view the world from your particular vantage point at any given time. Expand your perspective by taking a step back from the ideas and beliefs that shape the way you look at the world. Perhaps even make a game out of it. You might find that by opening up to other possibilities you unlock powerful insights, awarenesses, and even creative solutions to issues around which you had previously felt stuck. 

Sunday 6/14 – Bat Reversed – We are in a massive process of rebirth, both on the individual level and as a collective. This process is not always going to be easy and will most definitely require the willingness to move through challenging circumstances. Resistance will only delay the inevitable and create more suffering. Instead, we are being called to dig deep, to summon our courage, and to stay as present and centered as possible so that we can meet the moment with full access to our power and gifts. The best way to conquer your fears is by facing them head on.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

My Takeaways from the #AmplifyMelanatedVoices Movement

As the weekend comes to close, I find myself reflecting on the last nearly week of refraining from posting any of my personal content on Instagram, the platform that i am most active on, and instead sharing the voices of people of color, and most specifically Black people, as the US and the global community more broadly have been experiencing the largest civil rights movement in world history.

This time of muting myself and listening to, learning from, and amplifying melanated voices has brought me into intimate awareness of the places where I could and needed to be doing more to support equality and social justice in my communities and around the world. It has illuminated the blocks I have had around stepping more fully into this work (namely perfectionism/a fear of making mistakes and being held accountable and overwhelm/the sense that I will never be able to do enough) and also led me to the understanding that I don’t need to/can’t do it all, but that I absolutely need to do something, or rather many somethings, consistently. 

I am especially grateful for the powerful lessons that I received from Myisha T. Hill of Check Your Privilege around the importance of creating a sustainable approach to doing the work in order to avoid burnout and about “niching down” my work and finding the intersections of my gifts, my passions, and the many spokes on the wheel that is systemic racism and oppression. I am still honing in on the areas where I want to focus my external work (I’ll be sharing more about this soon), but I know it will involve wellness service access and outcomes in Black communities. I have purchased Myisha’s book “Check Your Privilege: Live Into the Work” along with a community membership to Rachel Cargle’s “The Great Unlearn” platform to continue my personal education and inner anti-racism work, and have committed to a monthly gathering led by a dear friend of mine for accountability and continued exploration within my own community. 

While the week commitment to #AmplifyMelanatedVoices is winding down, I absolutely intend to continue sharing the voices of Black and POC leaders, artists, healers, and activists. I am committed to continuing to raise awareness in my communities, both online and in person, about both the challenges facing Black communities (and marginalized communities, in general) and about ways to engage in social justice work. Because, if I’ve learned anything over the past week, it’s that we really do need all hands on deck. 

Weekly Forecast Monday May 25th, 2020

Monday 5/25 – Black Panther Reversed  – You may find yourself confronted with circumstances today that leave you feeling uncertain. Rather than resisting the unknown or trying to force the situation into one direction or another simply to feel a sense of control, embrace the possibility that is held in this moment. Stay curious and open to all outcomes, even and maybe especially the ones you haven’t even been able to imagine yet. If you can channel a sense of adventure and playfulness, you might even find yourself enjoying the process of allowing the mystery to unfold in its own time. 

Tuesday 5/26 – Lynx Reversed - If you have a strong intuitive sense about someone around you today, pause before sharing that with anyone else. Even if you feel compelled to tell the person about your vision or premonition, it’s important to remember that not only may they not be ready to hear that information, it might not be meant for them either. In most cases, we come to our own awareness and understandings about things in our time and not a moment sooner. Focus instead on what messages you can draw from the guidance you’ve received. What does it trigger in you? What does it remind you of? Your subtle senses are trying to tell you something, and your job is to uncover what that is for yourself, not for anyone else.

Wednesday 5/27 – Raccoon – Make a point of looking for ways to support those in your community today, whether that’s by offering your time, energy, or resources that you have an abundance of. Maybe that means helping someone with a task they’re struggling to take care of on their own. Perhaps that looks like connecting someone with people or opportunities that can help them move closer to their dreams. It could even be as simple as just listening deeply to someone and reminding them that their experiences are valid and that their presence is appreciated. Whatever you do, make sure that you are finding ways to shore up those around you, because the world needs more people who are standing in their power and using their gifts for good.

Thursday 5/28 – Bear Reversed  – It’s time to get out of your head and back into action today. While introspection is an important practice in self-development, it doesn’t do anyone very much good if we aren’t embodying the shifts that we envision for ourselves. Decide what it is you wish to create in your time here and get to work! You may never feel fully ready to do the things that both scare you and light you up all at once, but don’t let that stop you. Life is short and time waits for no one. 

Friday 5/29 – Alligator – All of our life experiences mean nothing if we don’t take the time to glean wisdom and grow from them. As we move from spring into summer, there’s no better time to review the lessons of the season we’re preparing to leave behind. What hardships or losses do you need to grieve? What successes deserve to be celebrated? What insights can you take from all that you’ve navigated up until now? Whether you do it through therapy, through writing/journaling, or through sharing with a trusted friend, taking time to process and integrate the lessons from recent weeks and months will only support your ability to move gracefully through all that’s yet to come. Give yourself that gift. 

Saturday 5/30 – Armadillo Reversed – Boundaries are such a big topic in the personal development and healing world and for good reason. Our relationship to boundaries sets the tone for so many aspects of our lives and this includes how we set and honor boundaries with ourselves as much as how we set and honor boundaries in relationships with others. Rigid boundaries can make us inaccessible and limit our ability to develop intimacy and connection with others, while overly soft or non-existent boundaries leave us open to being taken advantage of or devalued. The goal is to find that happy, healthy middle ground in which we can love others without compromising our ability to be loving towards ourselves.

Sunday 5/31 – Salmon – Trust that call that is coming from deep within you today. Even if it doesn’t make logical sense, the heart has a way of knowing what will most support our health and happiness, so listen to it. The more you follow the thread of the things that light you up and spark curiosity or joy, the more you’ll see that these things are not random, but are, in fact, deeply connected to your purpose on this planet at this particular time in history.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday May 18th, 2020

Monday 5/18 – Horse  – So often we think of strength and sensitivity as being at odds with one another, but horse medicine shows us that nothing could be further from the truth. After all, sensitivity is essentially the practice of opening our awareness and dropping into a receptive state, in which we are more able to channel the energy and inspiration we need in order to create whatever it is that we wish to in the world. This is how dreams become realities, by bridging matters of the spirit with the material world. This is the balance that is called for today. To allow our intuition to strengthen our ability to empower ourselves and others. 

Tuesday 5/19 – Whale - Whale medicine is also about deep knowings, the inner call that tugs at you and won’t let go, the mission that your soul set out on before you ever even arrived here in human form. But Whale also reminds of the importance of using our voice to connect with others who are here on a similar mission. You can’t find the people who are meant to support you on your journey and who you are meant to support as well if you’re hiding out, playing small, or trying to mold yourself to meet someone else’s preferences. Share yourself. Speak out about what matters to you. Let the ones who are meant to stand beside you know where you are. Together you can create magic. 

Wednesday 5/20 – Dolphin Reversed – Joy is our birthright, but it can be challenging to connect with that energetic state when we are constricted and weighed down by resistance, fear, and overwhelm. Take some time today to bring your body, mind, and spirit back into alignment. Spend time tuning into your breath and cultivating the ability to center your own energy. Soften your body. Relax your mind. Deepen your inhales and exhales. Come back to this practice as many times as you need to today, even if only for a few moments at a time. You might be amazed at how quickly much more easily you’re able to access a flow of uplifting energy once you’ve released all of that tension and heaviness. 

Thursday 5/21 – Lynx  – You’re subtle senses may be extra heightened today and you may find yourself stumbling across some information that wasn’t intended for you. Ultimately it’s up to you to decide what to do with what you’ve learned but Lynx encourages each of us to practice discernment about what insights we choose to share and to make sure that we’re neither participating in a gossip mill nor confronting people who simply aren’t ready to hear what we have to share. It may be worth considering that the information might have fallen into your lap through divine orchestration in order to help you gain clarity or insight for yourself.

Friday 5/22 – Raccoon – We all have something to give. Extra resources. A helping hand. Even a smile can make a world of difference to the person who needed a little warmth in their day. Look around you. Who in your community needs support today? It’s not about fixing all of their problems or taking away all their pain, but rather simply putting a little wind in their sails to help make the journey just a little bit easier. Offer from any area of your life where you have overflow and know that any kindness you send out into the world will only circle back to you in one form or another. 

Saturday 5/23 – Elk – Elk has been showing up a lot in recent weeks and it makes sense given the collective experience of the Corona virus pandemic and the tediousness of trying to figure out how long our lives are going to be altered for. While no one can say for sure when we’ll be able to live free from concern about the impacts of the virus, whether that be physical, mental/emotional, social, or economically, it seems that our best bet at this point is to prepare for a marathon rather than a sprint. Figure out what adaptations you need to make in order for your new normal to be manageable for an extended period of time and then adjust accordingly. Of course, this can also be applied to any other major challenges you’re facing in your life currently. Either way, shifting into a mindset of embracing and working with/through rather than against your current experiences is going to go a long way towards helping you make it through what’s ahead without feeling completely drained on the other side. 

Sunday 5/24 – Eagle – The weekend closes out with a simple message from Eagle: Come back to your connection with Spirit. What that means to you will be personal. Perhaps that means spending time with your spiritual community. Maybe it means dropping into prayer or sacred rituals. It could be as simple as tuning into your own breath and heartbeat or taking some time out in nature. The idea is to tune into what you value most and to replenish your own soul through intentional action so you can end this week with presence and start the new one feeling nourished and ready to serve.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday May 11th, 2020

Monday 5/11 – Raven Reversed  – Keep your eyes and maybe more importantly your heart open to magic today. Pay special attention to synchronicities and ways in which either Spirit or your higher self are trying to speak to you. You guides can send you signs and support all day every day, but whether or not you receive and take them to heart is up to you. 

Tuesday 5/12 – Raccoon Reversed - None of us accomplish anything great completely on our own. There is always a community of cheerleaders and supporters, however small, behind every success. Today, look around you and see who could use a helping hand. Is there someone you know that might benefit from a little encouragement or generosity? If so, share what you can, just make sure that the help you give serves to empower the recipient rather than reinforce any stories about victimhood. If you’re the one in need of support, don’t be afraid to reach out to the people in your life. We walk each other home by taking turns being on each side of the equation; so, figure out where you’re at today and trust that whether your giving or receiving, the energy will come back full circle in the right time. 

Wednesday 5/13 – Owl Reversed – Trust your gut. Always. But especially today. If something feels off, it is. That doesn't have to mean that something nefarious is going on, but know that those pings telling you that this particular situation isn’t for you aren’t steering you wrong. There’s more to the situation at hand than you’re currently seeing so either put any forward movement on pause or at least dig in and ask all of the questions that you need to get clarity and peace of mind. If things are still not feeling quite right, consider exiting gracefully. No need to explain yourself. You always have the right to let someone know that something “doesn’t feel like a right fit at this time” and leave it at that.

Thursday 5/14 – Mountain Lion Reversed  – Today, Mountain Lion asks us to sit with our relationship to leadership. We all have a gift to share with the world and leadership is having the ability to step boldly into your power so that you may live out that purpose. If this is something that comes as a challenge for you, ask yourself why. Are you projecting something from your past onto an imagined future? What magic would you create in the world if you weren’t afraid of or in judgement around shining brightly? If you consider yourself to be a leader, you might take some time asking yourself about your leadership style and how you can operate more from a place of service and less from a place of ego. Don’t be afraid to face your own weaknesses. All truly great leaders not only own up to their shortcomings, but find ways to use them for growth, both their own and that of others.

Friday 5/15 – Blue Heron Reversed – Last week kicked off with a message about getting out of our heads and into our bodies and it seems that that’s the call once again. Self-reflection is a wonderful thing, but it’s important that we balance it with moments of embodied presence. Movement can bring us back. Intentional connection with others can be a route. And good, old-fashioned silliness is a surefire way to turn the volume down on the mind chatter and up on what matters most in this moment. Find what works for you and, even if it’s only for a few moments, allow yourself to just be.

Saturday 5/16 – Spider Reversed – When we block our creative and expressive energies, they need to find some sort of outlet and one of the most common ways they end up showing up is in frustration or jealousy. If you find that either of those experiences are cropping up today, take that as a sign that you need to let move some energy up and out. Sing. Paint. Dance. Write. Scream into a pillow if you need to. Just whatever you do, don't leave that stuff bottled up. 

Sunday 5/17 – Grouse Reversed – Being in a body can be a mixed bag sometimes. Intense experiences of pleasure sit in contrast to equally intense experiences of pain. Because the latter can be so much more jarring, sometimes we focus on that end of the spectrum, but today we are being asked to find ways of connecting with the joys of this physical experience. What senses do you derive the most joy from? Sight? Smell? Sound? Touch? Taste? Mindfully tune into the gifts that you receive from those experiences and let yourself revel in gratitude for the opportunity to live in your unique body. It won’t make the pains of this life disappear, but it will certainly make them so much easier to navigate.

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday May 4th, 2020

Monday 5/4 – Blue Heron Reversed  – Yes, self-reflection is a wonderful practice, but as with all things, balance is important. Take some time today to get out of your head and into your body. Paint with your fingers. Dance. Lie down in a patch of grass and feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. Grounding through our sensory experience is a powerful way to release mental tension and to be present with some of the most simple gifts and pleasures that this life has to offer. 

Tuesday 5/5 – Owl - Listen very closely today. Things may not be entirely as they seem at first glance, so it’s important to engage all of your senses today, especially your more subtle sense and intuitive capacities. Don’t just pay attention to what people say, but notice how you feel when they’re speaking and if there seem to be layers of meaning that differ from or contradict the words that are being spoken. This is also a good day to get curious about your own blindspots. We all have them and the biggest clue to where they can be found is in the things that trigger us into fear or anger. Gently work your way into what’s underneath these big initial reactions and see if there is an opportunity to become more honest and intimate with your own heart.

Wednesday 5/6 – Armadillo – Boundary work is the work that never ends. There is always more to explore within how we both set boundaries with ourselves and with others because these practices shift and evolve as frequently as our own needs and environments do! Check in today and ask yourself if you honor the limits you set for yourself, and if not, what is underneath your tendency to push past your own boundaries? How is this reflected in your relationships with others? The goal is not to shame yourself for any missteps you’ve made, but rather to uncover ways to meet your needs that are healthy for you while also honoring the boundaries of others. 

Thursday 5/7 – Coyote Reversed  – It can seem so truly challenging to claim joy within moments of despair or to laugh when we feel like the world is weighing heavily on our shoulders, but those are the exact moments that a bit of lightness is needed most. Not to deny the harder aspects of life, but rather to embrace them fully with an awareness that everything in this life is ultimately fleeting. If you must cry, then do so. But no one said you can’t dance at the same time.

Friday 5/8 – Rabbit – Fear is normal and healthy, despite many cultural messages that tell us we should be fearless always. Without fear, we wouldn’t be cautious while standing on the edge of a cliff or exercise discernment when deciding whether or not to take a big professional risk. Rather than treating fear like an enemy, see if you can honor it as a messenger. This doesn’t mean to let your fear run the show, but instead simply find out what it’s trying to protect you from and what supports you might be able to put in place in order to move forward gently and gracefully, even if the fear remains.  

Saturday 5/9 – Elk– It’s time to reassess your approach to that challenge you’ve been navigating or gearing up for. Treat it like a marathon rather than sprint and put supports (material or mental/emotional) in place so that you can stay healthy and sane for the long haul. If the issue resolves more quickly than you anticipated, then you’ll have energy to spare, but if you end up needing to stay in the game for extended amounts of time, you’ll be more more likely to finish strong if you start pacing yourself now. 

Sunday 5/10 – Beaver – We’re closing out the weekend with a message from Beaver encouraging us to do the patchwork. In our homes. Within our bodies. And if nothing else, then in our mindsets. Where are the energy leaks? What places, both physical and spiritual, can you a little TLC or maybe an upgrade or repair? Whether this looks like digging into the home project that makes your nest a little cozy or getting clear about what beliefs are no longer serving you and releasing them however you can, roll up your sleeves today and make your spaces, both inner and outer, as nourishing as possible. 

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!

Weekly Forecast Monday April 27th, 2020

Monday 4/27 – Fox Reversed  – The week begins with Fox in the reversed position encouraging us to come out of hiding. Share your gifts with the world and don’t be afraid of shining too brightly. Yes, there are times when it makes sense to hang out in the background but this is not one of them. If you have some big goals that feel intimidating, try bringing a sense of light-heartedness to the tasks at hand. The energy you bring to any venture determines whether it feels like play or an ordeal. 

Tuesday 4/28 – Weasel Reversed - Check your intentions today. Have you been engaging in subtle forms of manipulation? Any time we try to get something from someone else without being direct, we create sticky situations energetically. The best bet is always to be as honest and transparent as possible. This ensures that we don’t take anything from anyone that they wouldn’t willingly give and keeps us from getting tangled up in a web of deception and resentment. If your honesty doesn’t yield the results you were hoping for, trust the reroute and know that nothing that is meant for you will miss you.

Wednesday 4/29 – Wild Boar Reversed – If you find yourself feeling the urge to lash out, it’s a sign that you have not been honoring your own boundaries. First things first, discharge the built up energy in a healthy way, whether that looks like going for a run, writing a completely uncensored letter and then burning it, channeling your feelings into art, or dropping into a cleansing breathwork practice. Once you’re grounded, you should be able to gain a little more clarity around what is triggering you and where your agency is in the situation. Speak your truth and re-establish any boundaries as necessary, just make sure that you are doing so from a compassionate place. If your emotions ran away with you and you already unleashed your frustration in a way that left you feeling shame or regret, know that we are all human and that none of us get through life without at least a few missteps. Do your best to make amends, learn what you can from the experience, and then forgive yourself. Being kinder with others starts with being kinder to ourselves. 

Thursday 4/30 – Squirrel Reversed  – Making an effort to prepare for the future can be a good thing, but even good things have their limits. If our planning turns into a desperate attempt to control the future, it becomes more of a disability than a boon. The questions to ask yourself today are: What am I afraid of? In what ways am I scared that I won’t have enough? Hold the answer gently. Honor the truth of those feelings. And come back to the truth of the present. Right now, in this moment, are you safe? Are your needs being met? Identify what is truly in your control, and then begin the practice of surrendering everything else. Cultivate trust in your ability to meet whatever comes your way. You’ve made through every challenging day thus far. Remind yourself of that as often as you need to. 

Friday 5/1 – Otter Reversed – Some of the greatest joy we can receive in life comes through our connection with others, but it’s hard to create healthy, thriving relationships when we’re wracked with insecurity, jealousy, or low self worth. Allow yourself to take the risk of being vulnerable today. Open up to those around you. Reach out and, if you have the opportunity to, offer support to others. You may find that these practices not only bring more love into your life, but also open the channels for creativity and inspiration as well. 

Saturday 5/2 – Ant Reversed – Patience isn’t about how long we can force ourselves to wait for something to happen. It’s about the energy we embody while we are waiting. We can’t control time or make things happen any faster than they are destined to. If you experience delays and find yourself feeling frustrated today, make a game out of your present circumstances. See how much beauty you can find around you wherever you are at. Find a productive way to use your time and see how much magic you can create during the pause. Before you know it, what you have been waiting for will arrive, and when you meet it, you’ll be that much more nourished and fulfilled thanks to the slow down.

Sunday 5/3 – Dog Reversed – Balancing loyalty to ourselves and to those around us is a constant and dynamic process. Most of us have a natural tendency to lean a bit more towards one than the other. Dog asks us to examine that and to create more balance in our relationships. If we’ve been playing the role of martyr and looking out for everyone but ourselves, it’s time to come back home to our own hearts and to honor our own needs with the same attentiveness we’ve shown to others. If we have a tendency to put ourselves first and often forget to check on those we care about, turn the tables and ask your loved ones if there is anything you can do to support them. Even if the answer is no, the gesture can go a long way towards letting someone know that you care. 

If you’d like to book a private card reading for more in-depth and personalized messages around what the days and weeks ahead hold for you or to gain clarity around specific issues or areas of your life, check out my Intuitive Card Readings page for more information on my card reading offerings, rates, and how to book!

And be sure to Subscribe to the HelloAshleyBerry YouTube Channel to get notified when weekly forecast videos are posted!