So, this is the new chapter. I have been trying to find a way to start it for some time now. Taking a half step in, freezing, and then putting my foot back in place. I am realizing that it’s not that I don’t know how to start; it’s that I don’t know how to make starting something new feel comfortable.
I have never been good with the unknown. I like to plan. And I’m not just talking about to-do lists on post-it notes, although those are definitely a staple. I am talking full-blown, army general-level strategizing. An initial plan, a plan B, a plan C, and contingency plans for everything that might go wrong. While I am sure there must be some profession out there for which this particular skill set would come in handy, it can be a bit of a stumbling block when it comes to taking action in everyday life.
In an effort to feel secure with a new course of action, I spend so much time trying to cover all of my bases that I never end up throwing out a pitch. This new website is a perfect example. I decided nearly five months ago that I wanted to re-launch my site with a new name and shift the brand into something that more holistically encompasses my interests and what I want to share with the world. I wanted to keep it simple and just use my name as the url, but of course, that site had already been taken. I hunted for variations that still felt true to me and eventually stumbled onto helloashleyberry.com. I snagged it, changed all of my social media handles, and then prepared to re-structure my website, but stopped. Do I really like this new URL? Does it fit? Does it feel like Me?
And here I am, five months later, still hesitating, because I am not absolutely sure.
So maybe this is it. Maybe this is as sure as I am ever going to be. Because really, do any of us ever know anything will absolute certainty? Is there any amount of planning or strategizing that will 100% ensure that things are going to work out the way you want them to?
The answer is both disconcerting and also a little bit liberating. If there are no guarantees, then all we can do is listen to our hearts or guts or whatever part of our insides that speaks to us and take the action that feels most right in that moment.
Right now, I am committing to bringing that practice into my life. I am going to say yes when I am leaning towards it without assessing for every negative possibility. I am going to trust that I will be able to handle whatever comes next, and that I will be able to make new choices should I find myself somewhere I didn’t intend to be. I am going to put things out there in the world that are messy and unrefined and still in draft mode, because I believe that it is better to create something imperfect and honest than to stay stuck in analysis and endless revisions.
So, I am starting with this blog, which I have not edited. And this website, which I may decide to change later. I’m not absolutely sure. And that’s just fine.